So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
