Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
