listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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