What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
