We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
