The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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