Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
