the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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