ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
