If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
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