I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
