it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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