I wish I only lived at night.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
