Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
