Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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