I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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