Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
