Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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