He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
