just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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