I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
