TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
