Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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