so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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