that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
