Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
