I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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