the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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