Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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