Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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