I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
no you cant smoke seaweed
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
