good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
