Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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