shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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