After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
