It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
