I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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