you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
