the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
