Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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