After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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