i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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