I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
