This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
