Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
