But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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