I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
