the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
third nipple confirmed
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
