I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
