Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Are we still banned from the library?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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