I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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