when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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