The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
