Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
