if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
