it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
