Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
