Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
