Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I need moral support for this bender
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
