Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
