I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
