I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
