Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
