the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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