Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
