it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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