dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
