Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i would punch a child for taco bell
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize