There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
