So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
