My first STD was from a foam party
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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