I want to stick my p in your. b.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
