I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
