i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
