i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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