worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
this boner is exhausting
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
