I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
