Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
